Almost Resignation of a Fifth Year Teacher

I had a hard year. It doesn't feel that hard right now, with only a week left of school. It was hard for lots of reasons, however after reading back in my journal, I realized just how close I was to calling it quits. Here is an excerpt from my journal:

Why I am Done?

I like metaphors. Here's one: being a teacher is like being in a room full of baby whales. They don't really know what they want, so they flop around on the floor until someone gives them what they "need". The horrible thing is that each day the thing(s) changes--the thing that they need or want changes. So they flop around and break things. They have broken me. I will admit it. I wear pink and they broke me. I am not good at building steal cages to protect myself--well I almost became a welder, so i guess I could. Maybe the thing is I am not willing to spend anymore time placating the beasts. It is not worth it. You know I was willing to wait out the infant stage, until one day I saw it happen. You will never believe it. I saw a new whale being born and it was eaten by the other baby whales. I suppose that by eating the newborn, they somehow stay babies themselves.

I am a bit embarrassed for being so dramatic, but that is how I felt. I remember feeling alone, misunderstood, and angry--my skin is a bit tougher now (love covers all)--the weight of helping kids learn, making everyone happy, getting my master's degree, being a father, being a husband, being a friend, being a being, being a learner....got to me. It felt so heavy. I snapped out of it, I think.

It is funny that without this short journal entry reminder, I would have not stopped to reflect on how good a year it really has been. The way I grew as a teacher/learner...as a human. I contributed to justice making in the world by helping kids access tools and find their voices. The "I" really should be a "we." Our school is changing and I am changing with it