Almost Resignation of a Fifth Year Teacher

I had a hard year. It doesn't feel that hard right now, with only a week left of school. It was hard for lots of reasons, however after reading back in my journal, I realized just how close I was to calling it quits. Here is an excerpt from my journal:

Why I am Done?

I like metaphors. Here's one: being a teacher is like being in a room full of baby whales. They don't really know what they want, so they flop around on the floor until someone gives them what they "need". The horrible thing is that each day the thing(s) changes--the thing that they need or want changes. So they flop around and break things. They have broken me. I will admit it. I wear pink and they broke me. I am not good at building steal cages to protect myself--well I almost became a welder, so i guess I could. Maybe the thing is I am not willing to spend anymore time placating the beasts. It is not worth it. You know I was willing to wait out the infant stage, until one day I saw it happen. You will never believe it. I saw a new whale being born and it was eaten by the other baby whales. I suppose that by eating the newborn, they somehow stay babies themselves.

I am a bit embarrassed for being so dramatic, but that is how I felt. I remember feeling alone, misunderstood, and angry--my skin is a bit tougher now (love covers all)--the weight of helping kids learn, making everyone happy, getting my master's degree, being a father, being a husband, being a friend, being a being, being a learner....got to me. It felt so heavy. I snapped out of it, I think.

It is funny that without this short journal entry reminder, I would have not stopped to reflect on how good a year it really has been. The way I grew as a teacher/learner...as a human. I contributed to justice making in the world by helping kids access tools and find their voices. The "I" really should be a "we." Our school is changing and I am changing with it

The Prezi Response

I was reading a post on The Number Warrior about tilting number lines. The post asks the question, "is the left-to-right number line the best?" The case is made that some see numbers on lines in different ways.  People with synesthesia are notable examples of the phenomena.  The Number Warrior speculated that maybe alternate positioning of the number line may help students learn.  One commenter suggested that students might have a difficult time with that when they started using planes and Cartesian coordinate systems.  I disagreed with the comment and started typing a response and then I thought, "what if I prezi-ed my response?" So that is what I did.  The number line prezi was fun to make and I think it could be a nice conversation starter. I will post about what happens.

Google Earth and Justice?

I've been using my web cam to reflect on lessons (usally I walk down the hall talking to a computer). It is interesting how google earth could raise issues of justice. I'm wondering if we don't teach students to access/use current tools will that make us complicit in the achievement gaps and learning inequalities. I'm working on make the reflection meaningful for me, but in an effort to share learning and thinking I will post a few of the reflections here.

Google Earth and Access

Dante was Right?

I wrote this poem as a way to test extremes in language.

I live in paradise but work in hell.
Not Dante’s kind of hell--all leveled up
or down. The kind which
rubs dreams raw and ricochets hope.

Maybe hell is too strong? Maybe I work
in pain, like a Van Gogh painting chained to
colored sky lines covering a churches spire.
I'm not cutting anything off, just yet.

However, would I or could I sever
The hell-pain sources or whatever it
is. It would be simple, fierce--like for like.
But, what would I sever? Ideas, dreams, thoughts?

Ah, hell-pain seems to come from me. Flowing
by rivers of ideas which grind the
joints of my brain. Its not so bad, really.
It could be worse. I might be content.